Thursday, July 19, 2012

* Happy 18th Birthday Kyle!!!!

Were does the time go?
I can remember like it was yesterday, walking up and down the street on 708 Canterbury drive trying to hurry my baby into the world. Mother, Daddy, Matthew, Meleah, Chris and Gretchen were all just sitting watching my every move. I think it was somewhere around 10pm I thought I would get a hot bath just to relax and before I knew it, I was in hard labor...Everything I did just made the pain worse. I had made my mind up to have a water delivery so I made my way to the back porch deck to the Hot Tub to try and get so relief, much to my surprise, no sooner did I hit the water and out swam my little Ky Ky...This was the Mid-Wife's 1st Water Birth and she was not a happy camper, not knowing what to expect, she jumps into the water to help and looses her Cell and Pager...At 11:05, July 13th 1994 our little calm Jungle Book looking Mogwi..Kyle Leif Eriksen came into out family and has been  a Blessing to us.

We have been around the world in his journeys, made many friends and many memories. everyday was a dress-up day for Kyle. One day he was Davy Crockett, the next Peter Pan. And Boy, did he ever love Monkey's!!!! I think we have been to every Zoo in the world... Then on to sports and that is a lifetime story in its self.

Kyle is #4 but it does'nt get any easier to let them grow up. I remember when he turned 16 and I followed him for weeks to make sure he made all the right turns and stops.

As I am writing this post I can't believe I now am faced with the fact he will be leaving us next year for college.. As a parent you go from Joy to saddness....

I love you Kyle and will treasure all the many memories and the sweet times we've had with you.. You are a Mother's dream, the perfect child in many ways and yes you are at the top of the ladder right there beside your brother( They say that Matt is my Don't let me

Happy Birthday and many more!!!!! I can't wait to see what God has waiting for you !!!!

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Saturday, June 16, 2012

* Happy Father's Day !!!!!!!

 Where do I begin?
My Dad is the Best!!!!  If he or I died today this is how I would remember my Dad.. I thank God daily for my Christian Dad.. When we were small and still at home, each night we had devotion and prayer before going to bed, we prayed before each meal, he was and still is a Deacon in the church, S.S. Teacher, Bus Driver, Children's Church Leader, Was the Leader of the Bible Bowl Team and many, many more hats in the church.... At home he was a hard worker, he worked full time in the Coal Mines, many nights when we told him bye as we were going we would pray that God would bring him back home to us as there were many times we would get the call he had been hurt and was in the hospital. Rocks have fallen on him, he has been electrocuted and badly burned and many other close calls but God has always given him back to us. Around the home he has a love for his garden, each time I go home, I always bring home fresh produce from his garden, Blueberries from his trees, he loves being outside. One of the most close to my heart things that always make me smile is when I come down the stairs to see him in his chair reading the Bible. My Dad loves the Lord and he loves his family. I thank God for all the sweet memories this man has given me and for always giving us the promise he would never leave us. I never in all the years I lived at home and even now had any fear of the word DIVORCE, that was never heard in our home,, Why?????  He put God 1st, Family 2nd, Church and then the needs to carry on a home life for us.  I think you can ask anyone that knows my Dad and they will say the same. Each time I leave my Dad, I know there is a chance he will be gone from this earth, and I tell him bye knowing this in my heart, but I have peace in knowing my dad will be sitting in Heaven with God, receiving  his crown loaded in stars for all his hard work done here on this earth. ..Happy Father's Day Daddy!!!!.....  I Love You!

 Happy Father's Day to the Father of "the Eriksen boys"
I have spent quite some time looking for some newer pic but I must have put them on a hard drive. Kirk loves his boys and here are a few of the earlier times. In the last ???? how many years?? most of his time with these two have been spent playing/coaching ball. It is so scary to see how much your children grow up to become just like the parent. Both boys have their dads genes but Kamren looks and acts like Kirk gave birth to him without pics make me smile to think of the good times when they were smaller but tears thinking about how quickly the time has flown and Kyle is about to be off at College. When I look at my boys with all the Love I have for them, how can I not Love this man?  Happy Father's Day!!!!!

And Happy Father's Day to my son!!!!  Matthew......
There is a war going on at the Eriksen Home over "Matthew" .... Kyle and Kamren are quickly to tell me that "we know Matt is you favorite.... If you know Matthew he is just easy to Love, always smiling, loves everyone, he wants everyone just to be together and have fun,, if left up to Matt we would all just have fun all day and never work or worry about tomorrow.... He is the sweetest Dad.."much like my dad" and loves his wife and his sweet babies...He is a precious son and has always respected his mom... He would never in a million years say something to hurt me... I love you Matt and Happy Father's Day!!!!  You make your mom proud!!!!

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Thursday, June 14, 2012

* Back in the Attic and "Down" on my knees!!!!

 Old Files....


 My 1st friend I had in Dothan... Jackie Massey.....

Yes, I have been back to the Attic, but this time at the office.

I have had one of the worst last 10 days since 2005...The ole saying "skeleton's in your closet"..."Hidden secrets".....Well, like the title of this blog..."Trusting God One Surprise At A Time"....Oh, my!!!!!

In my quest to find some things, we decided that a 10 year clean out of files should be done and in order to do that alot of stuff/junk etc had to be cleaned out. Needless to say the Hell I was mentally going through in my life was becoming very real due to the heat. I spent from 8am until 630pm that night cleaning out old files, many boxes of the kids toys, clothes,pictures, art work, it was a very emotional day and I am only half finished. There is 20 years of memories, some happy and some sad tucked away up there.
I do believe in my journey here on earth God takes us to places to break us, humble us, make us stronger and wiser  before our hearts can start to heal.
Over the past 20 years here in Dothan, I have been down many winding roads and this road I have been traveling for so long has just about broke me.. I feel like I have been stuck in a ditch for quite sometimes. Along my journey I have met many people, some like me and some that seem to have found their way out to Happiness and Sunny days. I believe God allows us to go through and take these paths for many reasons. ( haven't figured mine out yet.
I found my 1st happy times here in Dothan and I found my darkest and saddest ....what have I learned from them?..What did I shred?  
Well, I think to heal and forgive I must 1st forgive myself and bury the past...I know the God I serve forgives and never looks back, so why should I ?  I do believe I have a very forgiving heart and even though at times I felt like I had no more get up and go in me, no more room for hurts and disappointments, I searched a little deeper and there it was.. I have always put my trust in God (not man), I could not go through each day without God to carry me through.
Yesterday I had to leave to very hot attic and work in my office before the heat killed me. I was going through charts throwing away anything 10 years or older, I have been in a very low place in my life the past week searching for answers up to this point lots of anger/hate but not a break down of tears. Over the years I have let my heart become hard and cold to a lot of things and I have ask myself why have you not just broke down yet, I guess you just adapt.
Well I had a lap full of charts throwing out old and deceased, when much to my surprise there in my hands I was looking at a picture of my very 1st friend here in Dothan..Ours boys are 1
month apart in age, they did many of their 1st things together, these were my Happy Times here, so many Happy memories with her. Chance was her 1st, Kyle was my 4th, she suffered from depression and some way, some how we were good for each other. I was the one to get her up each day and get out with boys.. These were great times.. Somewhere around 2011, Charlie ( her husband) was killed driving home from work and that was one of the worst things I had ever had to do,,,to go get her out of bed, knowing she had told me many times she wanted to take her life, to tell her Charlie was gone...her Rock was gone, never to return, leaving her alone with a toddler...her days became even darker, I had to step up and take Chance many days. Time goes on and we moved out of that neighbor hood ( mine and Kyles haven) this place held many good memories for us, memories of the 6 of us, we still kept in touch and still did things together. The boys began school and then another chain of events began with the boys being at different schools and then less you see each other. In 2007, I get to work only to get a call that she was dead, her broken heart had stopped, no good byes, no nothing, it's like a friendship that never got an ending. I have blamed myself for years for moving away and not being there for her 24/7. she needed me and I felt like I could have saved her from herself. Chance was taken by her sweet sister and husband to Baton Rouge and we haven't seen him since the funereal. We do talk on facebook and they are doing great, his mom and dad would be proud of him.. I had and have had many trying dark days and months ago, I don't even remember what or why but I said to Kyle "I just need to delete myself from here" and his words burnt me so bad I have never thought it again,, He said to me.." well, what a selfiess thing to do "..."you don't care enough about us to stay a us" don't you love us and all your kids to live for us?????  "we need a mom"...... well, I had never though of myself as a self centered person until that day and there are still days when I question my self, but out of the mouth of babes, I think of Chance at that young age was left without his mom and dad never to see them again..
Life is full of pain, some of us endure more than others, but yesterday I was able to let go of some of mine, It was like God put Jackies Chart in my hands to break me, I spent quite some time with her chart broken over the past, present and future, I felt some kind of peace, I had my conversation with her, the good bye we never had, some many things we missed together ( yes I know it was just me talking) for the most part it was just me crying,,,crying for things I can't fix and I can't control but I know she was listening and in some kind of way God allowed her to come to me and say, it's going to be okay. She was my Angel yesterday, and un expected Angel that came from no where but brought some peace. I miss my friend, my happy time in life friend, she was my Red Bird on a very cloudy day... It was closure  but a new beginning. I love you Jackie and miss you so very much!!!!!!  I know your arms are around me...whispering  in my ear "it's going to be okay and you will walk through it as long as you keep your eyes on God".
God gives us friends to walk with us through this journey and I am so thankful for all of mine... I was sent a new friend in the past week, a very silent friend and in a very unusual way. One that will probably only be a friend thru emails and prayers, one that was much a enemy before the friend but I know she is there to talk or listen whenever I need her. Sometimes a friend comes through forgiveness and in this old wicked world we need as many friends as we can get.

Back in the Attic and Down on my knees!!!!!!!!    God will bring you to these places and I feel as if I'm living there these days but as long as I don't fall through the Attic I am willing to keep deleting the "PAST".


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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

* My Wailing Wall

 Wayne's Ordination Service......
 1st Beach trip of the summer...Memorial Day...2012
 Kam's 5th grade Graduation....
 2012 Last day of school....
 My sweet families away from family....The Guin's...and Kyle's personal Football Doc!!!!
 The Peaks:   sorry about the old pics, we need a Beach trip before Justin and Kyle leave us...

 My sweet Grans....Priss & Squirrel
 Bubba Love, Kam. Priss & Kyle...
 Me and the boys....
 Mom, Dad and Bro. Atkinson... He married them 51 years ago....
 My 5 kids plus cousins....
My Dothan Family...
and the Grans....

Have you seen the Secret Life of the Bees?
There is a part in the movie about a girl named May that was troubled with her dealing with her past she had a rock wall that was called her "Wailing Wall"...this is where when troubled, sad, or any sad event that caused her pain she would go to the wall with her problem or need written on a piece of paper and stick them in her "Wailing Wall"..
This week I could really use a Wailing Wall....I guess at this very moment I have come to my Wall which is here...I feel as if I could fill the wall with notes of pain and flood the yard with tears. Some much hurt, lies and in a Christ-Like way I feel like Jesus hanging on the cross being spit at, beaten to death and with many nails...I know we all have the valleys to travel but the last few days it has been more of the will I ever make it out... and then my Wall brings me to the pics above,,FAMILY and Very Sweet Friends....

Living in Dothan has it's good and it's bad, the bad being not having your family when you need a Wall to cry on. I am so very thankful for my dear friends that are always here for me, never asking questions but always praying for you and drop everything in a heart beat to help. As I look at my parents I'm quickly reminded of the Christian home I was brought up in..Christian meaning we knew no other life but Church. We never ask on Saturday "are we going to church tomorrow" we knew if that church door was open we would be there. I was taught the meaning of being on time... we were always 1hr early to every thing, to this day that has caused so many fight in this house because I am a get there early and Kirk is a get there after the singing is over... I have tried to teach my boys,, you don't get to work and school late and you sure don't get to church late. I was home this past weekend and once again each morning as I came down the stairs there was my mom and dad reading their Bibles .Proverbs 22:6 Train in the Bible. up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from you... My parents did their job at this... They taught me that you never give up on each other, that looking for greener pastures were never a option. The family that prays together stay together.I have been to H and back, never leaving my faith behind but not as close to God as I knew I should be, strayed at times, but God's word and the teaching of my parents were always was burned and sketched in stone in my brain... Rest assured "your sins will find you out"... I have sinned, we all have sinned but my God is a loving forgiving God, just like my parents, my Blood family... they will always be there for me, praying for me, cheering me on...pick up your head and run to my can make it...the world is not fair..but you are strong and you will make it....But you have to keep your eyes on the cross!!!!( a Bro. Cordell Sermon)...
Yes, my life here is much different from life in Winfield.... Winfield is so much about soooo much about stuff,,ball, ball and more ball, Thank the Lord Kyle is in a Christian school where they are taught the Bible and Kam will be there next year, but as I get older I see the whole picture and looking at what I have faced this week... The child is coming back to mom and dad....home sounds really great, some what like the prodical son...This world is not my home, I'm just passing through.. The long road home and believe me it is a very long road to me.
I am very troubled with lots of Wailing to do on my Wall, yes God will bring you to your knees, you can buy love and money will not buy you happiness... The Devil is very alive and destroying many many life's and all I pray for is Jesus come quickly!!!!!!

God gives us family and he puts others in our paths for a reason...I cherish my friends and family and so thankful they are my rocks to lean on. My friends have become my family and tonight a special friend really confirmed that ( God only knows what that phone call meant to me).

God is in control and only God knows what tomorrow holds.. If I died tonight I will be at peace, my wall is full , my heart is full but I have placed it all in the wall. God knows every note that is on that wall and if tomorrow comes I will pick myself up, thinks of my parents, look to the cross and try to be a better person. I do not care to carry a heart full of hate and bitterness, it is what it is,,,, so I say to the Wall... how do I choose to deal with it?  God took beatings and the name calling so I must be Christ like and forgiving...

The Wailing Wall...".God"..... hear are my "pains".....I lay them all on you!!!!!!!

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