Tuesday, June 17, 2008

* Troubled

Nothing much going on this week, we finally have a break in Travel Ball so we are "bored"?
No, I think we are broke, broken and beaten to death, it has been a long spring. I think since our 1st Hooks game in the spring we have played 57 games losing only 6, that's not a bad record. The boys having really played hard with all that's going on. Kyle & I have battled so kind of crud since April, but he has not missed a practice or a game (his choice).
I have not seen my babies since April and I'm getting really down over it. Kam is spending time with his sisters and nieces and nephew, and then he will go to mothers to visit them and Matthew's family. So at least he gets to do something fun this summer. He is having a blast at Melo's, fishing and playing with Possum and Squirrel. And he is getting in his Bible also. I hear they are learning bible verses each day.( that great!!!)
Life in Dothan is one surprise after another. I don't know how one day all is well and the next thing you know every things a mess.(insert the DEVIL) I know this family needs all the church we can get and here lately that has not been much. Too much BALL and not enough CHURCH!!!
Our Hooks team have been much like a family when we are on the road and it seems and feels like it is all falling apart, I only hope it can been savaged and the boys can end their season with a win in PCB World Series. It is now storming inside and out and I'm need a calm quickly! I can cry to God, but I can't control others and that is were much of my fear lays. Hays preached in a sermon that we shouldn't worry about things we can't control but it is just in me to worry till am sick. I just read a verse " He will yet fill your mouth with laughing and your lips with rejoicing.(Job 8:21) Boy, if some of us could let go of some anger and be filled with a little laughter and rejoicing things would be alot better off.
I learned a long time ago that friends are not always a good thing to have and they are not always true to be called friends. When Kirk & I married I vowed never to have another friend and to never let my guard down. Then came Kyle , now when you have children you are almost certain to make friends and with a social butterfly like Kyle you will make Friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends which I can count on one hand but I think everyone will admit Friends are hard work, lots of personalities. To say all of this I don't know why any one in their right mind, knowing my crazy life would want to be my friend. But today I am very troubled about a friendship that has become tainted maybe never to be repaired, words can never be redeemed even though it's not my battle and I can't fix it and it's sad to say I hate loosing this friendship, you have the boys friendship to put in the picture. Only God can fix anything and I must let go and let God. I just want to crawl up in my daddy's lap and let him fix it like daddy's do when we are babies. If only I could be that child again and let daddy's arm wrap around me, I guess we never let go of that comfort and now we have to replace daddy with God and I am resting in God waiting for the calm.
I have posted the picture at the top of Kamren & Josh, this is a pure picture of innocence and free spirit, too be free of care and woes. Sweet little friends, I hope they will have this friendships forever.
Oh well, I guess it's time to retreat back into my cave and hide!!!

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